Well, March 17th is here again, and you know what that means. That’s right! Time to chase the snakes and all of the other winter woes out of your closet to make room for spring!

It also means that St. Patrick (the patron saint of people who claim to be Irish), his day, and the traditional St. Patrick’s Day Stumble…er…Parade is upon us.So we’ve compiled a quick list of what to do – and what NOT to do – should you venture to 5th Avenue to get your Irish on.

  • DO WEAR GREEN. Because that’s what we do on St. Pat’s, wear green, lest we become pinched. Or in case we do. Get your hands on some green underwear, because sometimes the joke goes that far. Extra points if you get your snake costume out of storage and wear a sign that says, “I’m back!”
  • DON’T SAY PATTY. It’s Paddy, not Patty. To the Irish (as opposed to Irish-ish), Patty is an insult. And since this is the one day a year when we celebrate the Hibernians among us, let’s make sure we’re not calling them a nasty name while we do it.
  • DON’T START THE PARTY on an empty stomach. Seriously. When the road rises up to meet you, make sure it’s not saying howdy to your face. This simple step can help you avoid being a St. Patrick’s Day cliché.
  • DO THINK BEYOND 5TH AVE. Looking for an awesomely inclusive way to celebrate St. Paddy’s Day? Put the Queen’s-based St. Pat’s for All Parade on your calendar for 2013! Family-friendly and proud to welcome the LGBT community, this is a great alternative to the crazypants Manhattan drinkfest.
  • DO STOP TO APPRECIATE the irony that, though St. Patrick drove the snakes (aka pagans) out of Ireland, they seem to be alive and well, celebrating the man himself, once a year in NYC!
  • AND DO GET READY TO MAKE HISTORY because at some point after you’ve enjoyed the parade and stuffed yourself with green eggs and ham and whiskey and beer, you can always dress up like Shane MacGowan and land face first in the Washington Square Park fountain for the inaugural Million Leprechaun March.

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!  Póg Mo Thóin!